


Dirty Little Secret

by highly_caffeinated



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Male-Female Friendship, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-01-23 08:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12503448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highly_caffeinated/pseuds/highly_caffeinated
Summary: Sirius Black always seemed to be the most effortlessly perfect person. That is, until the summer after his 5th year. Everything is going wrong for him and his friends don't know what to do. Their best friend is falling apart right in front of their eyes.Enter Georgia Stetson, a girl who knows way too much about pain and seems to understand everyone. She catches Sirius' eye, but hopefully he's not too far gone already...





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Harry Potter. All characters, plot, or really anything from the Harry Potter universe belongs to the amazing J.K Rowling. I only own Georgia (and any other original characters) and any plot I create.**

September 1st. It was the day Sirius had been both waiting for and dreading since he’d arrived home for the summer holidays. Thinking about his life at Hogwarts always seemed to brighten his mood, except for this year. He thought about the events of his summer holiday while walking to Platform 9 ¾. A lot had changed this summer. His parent’s abuse was becoming too much for him to handle, so he spent most of his days attempting to avoid them. At first it was hard; his parents always seemed to pay the most attention to him at the beginning of the holidays. Then one evening, about 2 weeks into summer break, his mother had seemingly had enough of him. He was pushing his food around on his plate, not having much of an appetite, when his mother slammed her hands on the table, yelling, “If you’re just going to play with your food, then you may as well just go to your room and not eat at all!”

Instead of talking back as he usually would, he simply replied with a tired “yes ma’am” and went to leave the dining room. As soon as he was walking up the stairs, he heard his mother say, “He could stand to miss a meal or two.” 

Laying in his bed that night, Sirius contemplated his mother’s words. _He could stand to miss a meal or two,_ her voice yelled in his head. “I’m trash,” he muttered to himself. “Who would ever love someone as fat and pathetic as me?” He realized that his parents probably wouldn’t even noticed if he didn’t come down for meals. Heck, the probably wouldn’t even notice if he didn’t come down at all. They would probably be pleased to see that he was eating less. From that day on, Sirius decided that avoiding his parents was much more important than eating meals. Clearly he wasn’t good enough to be eating.

August 31st, 5:30 pm. Sirius stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bathroom, dressed in only his boxers. He narrowed his eyes at his reflection, disgusted with himself. He looked over at the scale next to him, wondering how the number listed there could be right. According to the scale, he had lost about 23 lb. since he arrived home. _How could that be,_ he thought, looking back at his reflection. He looked even large than he had at the beginning of the summer. Deciding that he could no longer take seeing his disgusting body, he slipped his clothes back on and returned to his room.

 

Coming back to the present, Sirius heard his named being yelled from somewhere on the platform. Before he could turn around to see who it was, though, he was hit in the back by his best friend.

“Hey James,” he said, prying himself away from the taller boy’s hug. He prayed that James couldn’t feel all the disgusting fat on his body. Before he had time to ask James where Remus and Peter were, the train horn blew, signaling that it would be leaving.  

Sirius and James jumped on the train, immediately walking towards their usual compartment. Sirius heard his friends exchanging hellos with each other, but he just sat down and stared out of the compartment. He wasn’t feeling talkative these days.

Just as he was about to turn and finally acknowledge his friends, he saw a girl walk past the compartment. He recognized her from a few of his classes last year, not knowing her name though. From what he’d seen of her, she kind of reminded him of Remus. She seemed like someone who would be an excellent friend. Right before she passed him completely, she looked him in the eyes. He saw so much pain in those eyes, it almost felt as though he was looking in a mirror. He had to talk to her.

Before he knew what he was doing, he exited the compartment, tossing a quick “be right back!” over his shoulder.

He closed the door behind him, racing down the hallway after the girl. _I wish I knew her name,_ he thought, knowing that it would make finding her a lot easier. Finally he saw her walking, yelling “Hey, wait up!” She stopped, slowly turning around to face him.

 

His next words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself: “I need to talk to you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the second chapter. I don't know if anyone even reads this, but I hope that anyone who does read it likes it cuz I worked really hard on it.   
> Anyway...Once again, I do not own anything from the Harry Potter universe. I only own Georgia and anything else I create throughout the story.  
> If you read the story, please consider leaving a comment! I love hearing what people think and it makes me feel like I'm not just writing this for myself

_Back in compartment_

The three friends sat staring at the compartment door that Sirius bolted out of. The compartment was filled with an uncomfortable silence, which was quite unusual for the usually enthusiastic group. None of them spoke. James thought that he couldn’t speak even if he wanted to. Not once in their five years of friendship had James seen Sirius act like that.

“What was that?” James turned, glad to see that it was Remus who had broken the seemingly endless silence.

“Maybe she dropped something and he went to return it to her!” Peter squeaked. James groaned and hit his forehead with his hand. He loved Peter, but sometimes he could be really daft. Peter looked at James and started getting nervous. “What! What did I do?”

Before James had the chance to respond with something that would probably hurt Peter’s feelings, Remus cut in. “You didn’t do anything. It’s just that James and I…well…it’s just that James and I don’t think that Sirius ran off to return something to her.” He tried to make his voice sound as even as possible. He didn’t want his friends knowing how worried he actually was about Sirius’ behavior. He had been acting odd ever since the end of last year. The thoughts invaded his mind before he could stop them: _I wonder if I’m the only one who’s concerned about Sirius. Do James and Peter even notice that something is wrong?_

He felt bad talking about Sirius behind his back. He was worried, though. He needed to just get the question out in the open. “Guys, have you noticed anything weird about Sirius lately?”

“What do you mean? How can we notice if there’s something wrong with him if we never see him?” Peter had a good point. The group had not seen or heard from Sirius all summer.

“It’s just that I’m worried about—”

James decided it was his turn to share his opinion with the group. “You’re right, Pete. We don’t see him all summer and within five minutes of getting on the train he runs off to go see the new girl? I don’t get it.”

Remus stares at James as though the boy has just grown two heads. “New girl? What new girl?”

Now it was James’ turn to look confused. “Um…the one who Sirius ran after a few minutes ago.”

“Georgia isn’t new. She’s been in Gryffindor with us since our first year. She was my Potion’s partner back in fourth year. Remember? Honestly, mate, do you notice anyone besides us and Lily Evans?”

“Of course I do, mate!” James tried to argue. Remus rolled his eyes, knowing for a fact that what James said was not true. His mind then began wandering back to the main subject of this conversation: _Sirius_. Remus was worried. Really worried. He was hoping that Sirius would return soon so that he and Remus could talk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I need to talk to you.”

Instead of responding to his statement, she simply grabbed his hand and pulled him into an empty compartment, sliding the door closed behind her. She stayed like that for a few minutes and he was starting to get worried. _Why wasn’t she saying anything? And better yet, why won’t she look at me? Do I even want her to look at me? She’ll probably see me, say ‘why would I want anything to do with someone as fat and pathetic as you?’ and run away._

After what felt like hours, she finally walked over to him and sat down. She looked like she’d rather be anywhere than here. “What do you want, Sirius?” Her tone wasn’t rude, but Sirius was still slightly taken aback by the sound of her voice.

 _Shit,_ he thought to himself. _What if she gets mad that I don’t know her name, even though she knows mine?_ “You were Remus’ Potions partner back in fourth year, right?”

“Yeah…why?”

“Well, seeing as you already know Remus pretty well, I was wondering if you would join my mates and I at the Sorting feast tonight?” He gave her a smile to let her know he was being serious (no pun intended lol).

At his smile, her face brightened a little bit. “Oh…um sure, I guess. But will your friends be okay with me just barging in on your group, because I really don’t want to impose.”

“Are you kidding? They’ll love you!” She still didn’t look convinced. “Oh come on,” he tried to persuade her. “Live a little!” After attempting to reassure her that she would not be imposing on him or his friends, she finally sighed and cracked a small smile.

“Okay. I’ll have dinner with you guys.”

"Excellent! I’ll come find you in the Great Hall before the Sorting. But now, I must be getting back to my friends.”

He was relieved that he could finally go back to his friends. It’s not that he didn’t like talking to her, it’s just that there was something about her that made his stomach fill with anxiety. This was something that didn’t happen before this past summer and he was really hoping that it wouldn’t be a common occurrence. _If I’m gonna prove to everyone that I’m the same as I was last year, then I have to act like it!_ Right as Sirius was about to close the compartment door behind him, he heard the girl call out one last thing.

“Georgia!” He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to elaborate. “My name,” she continued. “It’s Georgia.” She was smiling at him.

“Well, then I guess I’ll be seeing you at the Sorting feast, won’t I Georgia?” He gave her his famous smirk and her smile grew even brighter.

“Yeah, I guess you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, please feel free to let me know what you think. It's not completely edited so I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I don't own any of the Harry Potter series. I wish I did, but sadly, that'll only ever be a dream.

Sirius didn’t like lying to his friends. He’s always believed that honesty is one of the best qualities a person could have, and he knew his friends felt the same way.

 

He also knew that they didn’t like being lied to. And for the most part, neither did he. That’s why, when they asked him why he wasn’t eating anything, he felt bad about lying to them. There wasn’t any other option, though. It’s not like he could tell his best mates that he isn’t eating dinner because he hasn’t eaten anything in the past week or so, let alone a full meal. They wouldn’t get it. They would tell him he’s being stupid and then force him to eat. The thought of that happening made him visibly shudder. Before his thoughts could continue overpowering him, he felt a and on his shoulder. He glanced over to see James looking worriedly at him.

 

“Are you okay, mate?” Sirius just looked down and gave a small nod. _They wouldn’t get it._ James, however, did not look at all convinced. “Are you sure? You’re shaking like a leaf.”

 

“You aren’t eating anything either,” Remus added. “Are you feeling all right?”

 

“m’fine. Just not that hungry I suppose.”

 

As soon as he said that, he saw Georgia walk up and take the seat next to Remus. _Her timing is so perfect I could kiss her,_ he thought. “Thanks again for inviting me to sit with you guys. I know we’ve never formally met and hope that Sirius didn’t cause that much trouble asking me.”

 

“It’s no problem at all,” Remus assured her. “We’re glad you’re here.”

 

“So, where were you?” Sirius suddenly asked her. She nearly choked on her water.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked, eyes wide.

 

“It’s just that dinner started 20 minutes ago and you’re only now arriving,” Remus jumped in.

 

“Oh, I just had to…uh…make a quick stop first. You know, take care of a few things.” She was hoping that they would understand and not ask any more questions.

 

The all just stared at her until James finally chuckled, saying, “See Pads, I told you girls like to spend a long time in the bathroom!” Georgia gave a nervous laugh in response and they soon all went back to their food.

 

Sirius figured that he should at least put something on his plate so as to ease the growing concern his friends had towards him. He put some mixed vegetables on his plate and proceeded to separate them by type, never once taking a bite. His friends seemed to calm down once he put food on his plate.

 

The only person who looked confused was Georgia, but before she had the chance to say anything about it, the plates disappeared and Dumbledore announced that it was time for bed. Once he said this, Sirius jumped up, pulling his friends along and telling Georgia that he would see her tomorrow.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**The next day**

 

Sirius was pretty sure he was the only person who wasn’t looking forward to breakfast. It’s not that he wasn’t hungry, because if he was being honest with himself, he was starving. It had been over a week since he’d last eaten something, and his stomach was aching from the lack of food.

 

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Remus asked. Sirius

 

“What?” he croaked, lifting his eyes to meet the worried gaze of his friend.

Remus gestured to Sirius’ empty plate with his fork. “I asked if you were going to eat anything.” Remus tried to hide the concern in his voice, and he was thankful that it seemed to work.

 

“I’m not really hungry,” he answered, pushing his empty plate towards Remus.

 

“You didn’t eat anything last night at dinner either. Are you sure you’re not sick? Because I can go with you to the hospital wing before class if you’d like.”

 

Sirius shook his head in response. “I’m fine,” he tried to reassure his friend. “Just not hungry.” He watched Remus’ face fall and he felt bad for lying to him. But couldn’t he see that he didn’t have a choice?

 

“At least have an orange or something.” He put the fruit on Sirius’ plate, pushing it across the table to him. He tried to push it back, but Remus caught it before he could. “Please.” The look in Remus’ eyes was too much for Sirius to take, so he gave a small nod and started peeling the fruit.

 

“Rough night?” James asked, noticing the familiar girl as she entered the hall. Sirius looked up from his orange and his eyes widened slightly as they landed on her. She was a mess. Her makeup was smudged, he clothes wrinkled, and her hair barely pulled up into a ponytail.

 

“What happened?” Peter squeaked from besides James.

 

“I didn’t really get much sleep last night,” she answered with a yawn.

 

“Oh, were you having a good time with your ghost friends or something?” James laughed. Clearly, no one else thought it was funny, though, especially not Georgia. Her eyes narrowed and she shot him a glare. She looked like she was going to retaliate, but Remus cut in first.

 

“Prongs, that wasn’t funny.” 

 

“You’re right, Moony. It wasn’t funny. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’ll have you know that I do actually have other friends.” She crossed her arms, but seemed to accept his apology by the looks of it.

 

“Yeah. But are they as cool as us?” James asked. She rolled her eyes in response and proceeded to sit down next to Sirius. “I guess that answers my question, then.”

 

“I never thought I’d see the day that James Potter apologized for something,” Sirius spoke up, laughing at his friend.

 

“Sod off, Pads.”

 

Before Sirius had a chance to say anything else, he noticed Professor McGonagall walking towards them. “Here comes McGonagall with our timetables.” At the mention of classes, Remus finally took his gaze away from Sirius, giving the boy just enough time to vanish the food that was put on his plate.

 

As soon as McGonagall reached their end of the table, she started calling their names and handing them their timetables for the year. “Potter. Black. Lupin. Pettigrew.” She was just about to walk away when she noticed Georgia sitting there. “Oh, Miss Stetson. I didn’t see you there.”

 

Georgia looked up at their Head of House, who (if she was being completely honest) always kind of terrified her. “That’s all right, Professor. This isn’t exactly my usual seating arrangement.”

 

McGonagall merely nodded, handing the girl her timetable. As soon as the woman walked back to the Head Table, Georgia released a breath that she hadn’t realized she was holding. Or, perhaps she had noticed, she just didn’t expect the rest of the boys to. She tried to hide her fear of the woman, but clearly she wasn’t as stealthy as she thought she was, since Sirius quickly leaned close to her ear and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

 

She flinched, not realizing how close he was to her. He looked worried, but decided to ask again. “I said, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

 

“Oh, you know, you just surprised me. That’s all.”

 

“No, I meant when McGonagall was talking to you.”

 

Her eyes widened momentarily before she laughed it off. He recognized it as the same look she had last night when he had asked her why she was late for dinner. “It’s nothing. You don’t need to worry about me.”

 

He still looked worried but decided to drop it for now, which she was so grateful for. That is definitely a conversation that she doesn’t want to have with any of them, let along Sirius.

 

Before long, the others decided to join the conversation again. “So, what is our first class of the day?” Remus asked.

 

“Potions, why…” but before Georgia could finish answering Remus’ question, she heard James groan and drop his head on the table. At this point, she had really regretted taking the seat across from James, since in the act of flailing his arms and dramatically laying his head on the table, he knocked over the large pitcher of pumpkin juice. The juice splattered everywhere, with a large majority of it hitting Georgia right in the face.

 

‘Bloody hell, James,” she yelled, not aware that they now had a majority of the students sat at Gryffindor table staring at them. James picked his head up and looked at the girl who was completely drenched in pumpkin juice. She glared back at him, accepting the towel that Remus handed her. “Now, please tell me what’s so awful about having Potions that it made you attack me with juice!” Peter chuckled, but quickly stopped when she turned her glare on him instead.

 

“It’s so cold and ugly in the dungeons. Plus, we have Potions with the Slytherins.”

 

“Prongs, we have all our classes with Slytherin. That’s what happens once you get to NEWT level classes.

 

“Wait a minute, Sirius. So, you mean to tell me that I was sprayed with juice because James doesn’t want to share classes with the Slytherins?”

 

“Yeah, pretty much,” he chuckled.

 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had the idea of possibly doing some "flash back" type chapters as a way to show the things that led to the characters being/acting a certain way. It wouldn't be about all the characters, nor would it happen that often, but I feel like it would make the story move a little quicker. Also, I like third person but if anyone would want to see a different point of view ever?  
> Let me know what you think about these ideas in the comments and, as always, I hope you enjoy this chapter (and sorry for the too long notes in each chapter).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter and, once again, I do not own anything from the Harry Potter universe. I only own my original characters and whatever else I come up with.

To say that James Potter didn’t like Slytherins was an understatement. So having to share a majority of his classes with them was a nightmare.

Walking into the dungeons for the first Potions class of the year, James was pleasantly surprised to hear Slughorn announce that they would be allowed to pick their own partners for the year. He glanced hopefully at Lily, making his way over to ask to be her partner. Ever since her falling out with Snape at the end of last year, she had been without the “protection” of her former best friend. James snorted to himself. _More like obsessive possession_. He figured that now was the best time for him to make his move.

“Hey Lily,” he mentally cheered for himself for remembering to call her by her first name instead of calling her ‘Evans’ the way he had for the previous five years. “Would you like to be partners with me?”

Lily looked up at him, jaw dropping slightly. Did James Potter just ask her nicely to be his Potions partner? “Um, sure. That sounds nice.”

James’ face lit up at her response and she couldn’t help but smile in return.

 

Meanwhile, Sirius had barely made it into the classroom before Remus dragged him to one of the tables. “Geez, Rem. If you wanted to be my partner all you had to do was ask,” Sirius chuckled, but quickly stopped when he saw the look Remus was giving him. “What’s wrong Moony?”

“Are you okay?”

“What do you mean ‘am I okay’, Moony?”

“I feel like something happened over the summer and you won’t talk about it.” Sirius could hear the worry in Remus’ voice.

“I’m fine,” his voiced cracked slightly and he hoped Remus wouldn’t notice and call him out on it.

“Then how come you haven’t eaten since we’ve been back?”

“I’m probably just getting over a stomach bug or something. It’ll be better soon.” Remus looked at his friend, not really believing him.

“Are you sure, Pads? Because if you’re not, you know you can always talk to me.”

Sirius gave him the most convincing grin he could muster, hoping it was enough. “I’m perfectly fine Moony.”

 

By this point in their conversation, James was handing Sirius the sheet of parchment Slughorn had passed around so that everyone could write down who their partner was. As Sirius was writing his name, he noticed an all too familiar name listed three tables ahead of him: _Georgia Stetson_. Looking up to glance at her table, he noticed a girl who he didn’t recognize sitting next to her. Whoever she was, though, the two girls seemed to be fairly good friends. He looked back down at the sheet, finding her name next to his new friend: _Kendall Mercer_. He vaguely remembered Georgia telling him about a friend she had who was in Ravenclaw and Sirius assumed that was her. After passing the sheet on, Sirius tried to focus on the lesson, but all he could think about was how he would keep his friends from finding out about his home life and, strangely, the girl sat three rows ahead of him whom he had only met yesterday.

 

Once Potions was over, they headed to the greenhouses for Herbology, which was a blur in Sirius’ mind. Most of the classes at the beginning of the year were. Thankfully, they only had those two classes this morning. _I haven’t even been here for a full day and I already feel like shit_ , Sirius thought to himself. His stomach ached and his head was killing him, so when lunch finally came around, he wasted no time laying his head down on the table to ease some of the pain.

Overall, lunch seemed to go by fairly quick, and for that Sirius was grateful. He was able to get out of eating anything, and his friends seemed to leave him alone about it for once, which was nice. He hated lying to them all the time, and was glad that, for once, he didn’t have to. He also noticed that Georgia wasn’t sat with them, but he didn’t think much about it. He would see her later anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone were to ask Sirius what happened in his afternoon classes, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He knew he had a double Transfiguration lesson, in which Georgia had to keep kicking him under the table so that he wouldn’t fall asleep, but that was about it. He also had a free period after that, which he was looking forward to spending with Remus like they usually did. Sadly, though, Remus was taking Ancient Runes, so Sirius was left by himself until dinner.

 

When dinner came around and Georgia once again wasn’t sat with the group, Sirius felt something that he couldn’t quite identify. _Was it sadness that the girl he had only met a couple days ago wasn’t with him?_

No, it couldn’t be. Remus had told him when they first sat down that she wasn’t going to be joining them; she had told him during Ancient Runes that she was going to have dinner with her friend at the Ravenclaw table since she didn’t sit with her on the train.

With her gone, though, it would be harder for Sirius to get away with not eating anything. It was almost as if the girl provided a shield to hide his actions from his friends, which he was grateful for.

If it weren’t for Remus being the most perceptive person he knew, Sirius would not have a problem hiding the fact that he wasn’t eating. Before he could even utter the “I’m not hungry” that seemed to be an automatic response for him, a plate full of food was pushed in front of him. He looked up and met the eyes of his best friend.

“You need to eat, Pads.” Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but Remus continued before he could: “I haven’t seen you eat anything since we got back and I’m worried.”

“I’m fine,” Sirius responded, his gaze dropping to the table. He mentally cursed himself for not sounded more like his usual self.

“I don’t think you are.” Remus leaned in closer to make sure only Sirius heard his words. “Something’s wrong. You’ve lost a lot of weight and you look like you haven’t slept in weeks.”

"No I haven't," Sirius said, though he felt a sweet satisfaction at the fact that he was getting smaller. 

"Yes, you have," Remus continued looking worriedly at his friend. "You were thin when we left at the end of last year and now you're nothing but skin and bone. It's scary, Pads."

"I'm fine," Sirius pleaded one last time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_He was lying on the ground. He could feel the bruises forming where he had been kicked to the ground and could taste blood in his mouth. He didn’t want to get up, but he knew that if he didn’t it would only anger his parents more. So, slowly and painfully he rose to his feet, grabbing onto the sofa for support. He finally looked up and met the eyes of his father. “You’re a worthless piece of flesh. Absolutely pathetic.” Each statement was followed by a slap to his face. The next thing was said with a smile, as Orion raised a knife toward his son: “Filthy little traitors like you don’t even deserve to live.” The next thing Sirius knew the knife was being forced into his side._

Sirius woke with a start, heart pounding through his chest. He looked around the room and was relieved that no one else had woken up. He tried to steady his breathing and stop the tears that were racing down his face, but it wasn’t helping. His stomach clenched, and he barely had enough time to run to the dorm bathroom before he was throwing up. He held his side, still feeling the pain from when Orion had stabbed him earlier in the summer.

After a few minutes he was able to pull himself together a little bit. He went to the sink, rinsing his mouth and splashing some water on his face. He didn’t want to go back to sleep; he was scared he would be forced to relive the horrors of this past summer again. He decided that, since he was up, he would take. He stripped down to his boxers, looking in the mirror. He could see the scar on his side from when he was stabbed and ran his fingers over it, looking down. He then proceeded to run his hands over the rest of his body. Collarbones, hips, ribs: he could feel them all. He frowned slightly. _How am I able to feel my bones when I'm still so fat?_ He then turned his attention towards the scale he had snuck from his house. Taking a deep breath, he stepped on. 25 pounds. He's lost 25 pounds since he left Hogwarts at the end of last year. _It's nowhere near good enough,_ he thought. _But maybe at this rate, I'll be good enough one day._

Instead of going back to his bed, he silently left the dorm and made his way to the common room, hoping to find some peace in front of the fire. As soon as he made it there, though, he realized he wasn’t alone. There, sitting in one of the armchairs, was Georgia. She didn’t seem to notice him, so he slowly made his way over to her.

Once he was about a meter away from her, he decided to open his mouth. “What are you doing up?”

She looked over to him, seemingly startled by his sudden presence. “What are you doing up?”

“I asked you first.”

Whatever response he was expecting was not the one he got: “I come here every night. What about you?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He decided to test his luck and ask another question. “What do you mean you come here every night? Don’t you sleep or something?”

She hummed in response, thinking the question over and taking a while to come up with an answer. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak. “It’s safer when I don’t sleep.”

“What do you mean? Why is it safer?”

“What about you, huh? What’s keeping you from your beauty sleep?”

Sirius was going to come up with a horrible excuse as to why he was awake and down in the common room at 2:30 in the morning, but decided that maybe, for once, he would tell someone the truth. “I’ll make you a deal. You tell me why you spend your nights down here instead of asleep in the dorms and I’ll tell you mine.” Her eyes widened and for a second she looked scared, so he hurriedly continued, “I promise I won’t tell anyone. You can trust me.”

That reassurance didn’t seem to do much, but she still gave a small nod in response and in a whisper that Sirius almost didn’t catch, she gave him her answer: “Deal.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is only what Georgia tells Sirius cuz I felt like it would go better with the idea I have planned. I’m actually thinking of making this a two-part chapter instead of one super long chapter. On another note, there are some things that I want to make sure are clear. There are multiple points in the chapter where things are in italics. FOR THIS CHAPTER ONLY: ALL ITALICS STARTING AT "I SAID I DID SOMETHING" UNTIL THE END ARE GEORGIA’S THOUGHTS, WHETHER THEY ARE IN HER QUOTES/NARRATIVE/WHATEVER OR NOT. I just wanted to make sure that was clear because tbh I would be confused otherwise.  
> Also, this chapter contains a trigger warning for the following: mentions of self-harm, attempting self-harm  
> And last but not least: I do not own anything from the Harry Potter universe. I only own my original characters and whatever outside plot I come up with.

 

Georgia was really starting to regret accepting the invitation to dinner on the first night. If she hadn’t agreed to it, then she wouldn’t be in this situation right now. She wouldn’t be sat in the common room with Sirius Black at 2:30 in the morning, about to talk about herself.

She thought about making a run for it. She knew that if she were to run up to her dorm, Sirius wouldn’t be able to follow her. She couldn’t do that to him, though. He seemed like he genuinely cared about her and wanted to know what was wrong. To be honest, Georgia also kind of wanted to know what was going on with him, too.

 

After waiting for what felt like forever, she finally opened her mouth. “Are you sure I have to talk first?”

 

He nodded.

 

“I really wouldn’t want to bore you. Besides, it’s not as bad as it seems.” She knew she was lying. In reality, she didn’t want to scare him away with what she’d done.

 

He got up and pulled her over to the sofa, where they both sat down. He figured that, maybe being close to someone would ease her mind a little bit. He was so busy thinking of all the ways he could make this easier for her that he completely missed when she started talking. “What did you just say?” he asked, hoping that he didn’t come off as rude or angry. When he saw the look in her eyes, though, he knew it hadn’t worked. “Sorry…I wasn’t trying to be rude. I just, got a little distracted and missed what you said.” _Way to go,_ he thought to himself. _Now she probably thinks you’re even more pathetic than you already were._

 

“I said that I did something.”

 

“Did something?” He didn’t really see where this was going, but he would let her talk.

 

“When I was 14, something bad happened. It was summer break and I had met up in the city with some of my friends. We didn’t really know where we were going, so I suggested that we should ask someone for directions. There were a group of guys across the street who looked nice, so my friends told me to go ask them.” Sirius thought he had an idea of where this story was heading. “As soon as I got to them, I asked if they knew how to get to some place that I can’t even remember ( _STOP TALKING. YOU CAN’T TELL HIM THIS. HE’LL THINK YOU YOU’RE A FREAK)._ But before I could even get a response from them, someone grabbed me by my hair and threw me onto the pavement. Everything happened so fast that I couldn’t even defend myself. My friends tried to help me but the men had stunned them.” At this point Sirius was pretty sure his eyes were the size of plates and his jaw on the ground. He felt her leg shaking next to him and he grabbed her hand, rubbing his thumb over it.

 

“You don’t have to say any more if you don’t want—”  

 

“No. I started so I might as well finish,” she sniffed, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes. She decided that she had to do this _(no you don’t, Georgia. What do you think you’re doing?)_ , so she took a deep breath, squeezed Sirius’ hand, and continued with her nightmare. “I died that day.” And that’s when Sirius lost it. _And…you just ruined it._

 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIED?”

 

She only glanced at him in response, continuing with the story. “I was 14 when I died. All I remember, though, was that I was lying on the pavement and a woman who was wearing a mask came at me with a knife. I felt her slit my throat and right before I blacked out I heard her yell to one of the men to drag me into some alley. And then, when I finally woke up, I was completely healed. There wasn’t a single scar on my body.”

 

“So, the healers brought you back to life and then fixed you?”

 

“That’s the thing. There were no healers. I brought myself back.” If Georgia wasn’t so upset, she would have laughed at the expression on Sirius’ face. She also would have cringed at how insane she sounded.

“Anyway, a few weeks later I was walking home from the store with my brother and some people decide to mess with us. Or at least I thought they were messing with us. I didn’t know at the time that they were friends of my brother and that they weren’t going to hurt us. One of them grabbed my arm so that I would stop walking. Apparently my brother wanted to introduce me to his new friends.” At this point, her breathing started to pick up. _Just shut up already. You CANNOT tell him about what you did!_ “I don’t even know what happened. He just grabbed me and I got scared so I turned around and…I just…I didn’t mean it, I swear. It was an accident!” She began to hyperventilate, body shaking and tears streaming down her face. She wanted to slam her head into a brick wall, anything to keep her from saying what she knew would come out of her mouth next. Sirius quickly put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug, whispering soothing words in her ear.

 

“Hey, calm down, Okay? Everything is going to be fine.” He pulled away slightly and looked her in the eyes. “Tell me what happened. I promise I won’t judge you.” _Yes you will._

 

“Don’t lie to me Sirius.”

 

He was slightly taken aback by that. “I promise I’m not lying. I swear I won’t judge you. Besides, how bad could this thing you did be?” _Oh, just you wait._

 

“I turned around and I killed him.”

 

That was not what Sirius was expecting.

 

“I turned around and something happened inside of me. It was like my magic just exploded and before I could even stop myself, he was dead.”

 

By this point, Georgia couldn’t believe what she had just done. She had told a boy she barely knew her deepest, darkest secret. _Am I really that dense? Now I can never speak to him again. He probably thinks I’m some monster who accidently killed someone but somehow couldn’t manage to bring him back._

 

Sirius was still staring at her and was starting to get worried. As soon as she finished her story, she looked like she was going to be sick. He wanted to tell her that it was okay. That he didn’t think it was her fault. But honestly, he was too confused to say anything. Never before had he met someone who was able to not only heal people without potions or spells, but bring someone back from the dead. Before he had a chance to contemplate further, though, she started talking again.

 

“I’m…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that.” The tears were still streaming down her face and it broke Sirius’ heart. “Please don’t tell anyone. I’m sorry.” She was running up to the dorms now, throwing out one last hurried “I’m sorry.”

 

Georgia ran up the stairs to her dorm, slamming the door behind her. In times like these she was glad her roommates could sleep through the apocalypse. She sprinted into the bathroom and locked the door, casting a silencing spell so no one would hear what she was about to do. She stood, hands gripping the sink, staring into the mirror. _This isn’t wrong._ She grabbed the razor blade that she kept in her pocket. _This isn’t wrong._ She held the blade to her forearm, staring at the scar less skin. _No one will ever know._ She took a deep breath and pressed the blade to her skin, dragging it across once, twice, three more times, until she had five deep gashes that were bleeding heavily. She relished the pain, reminded her that she was still alive. It also reminded her of what she was capable of. On that note, she closed her eyes tightly and ran her fingers up her arm once, feeling the cuts quickly stitch together and then vanish completely without a trace. _This isn’t wrong._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it's taken so long for this chapter but here it is!! Thanks to everyone who reads this, I love all of you.  
> Also, anything that you recognize from the Harry Potter universe doesn't belong to me

He didn’t see her at all the next day. He thought about it while sitting at breakfast, but quickly tried to push it away. _It’s Saturday,_ he told himself. _She’s probably just sleeping in._ And really, why did he even care? It’s not like he and Georgia were super close. _Maybe it’s because she told her deepest secret to a guy she barely knows?_ His mind latched onto that last statement. What if she was so freaked out by what happened last night that she went and did something stupid? If something happened to her because of this, it would surely be his fault. All of the thoughts going through his head were starting to make his head spin, and he pushed his plate aside and rested his head in his hands to ease the dizziness. Doing this did nothing to help, though, because soon after, his friends began pestering him about what was wrong.

 

Sirius felt someone poking him, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything. “You okay, Pads?” He wanted to tell James to shut up and stop poking him, but all that came out was a groan (that sounded a little too much like a whimper for his liking) and the soft thud of his head lowering to the table. James looked worriedly at his friend and went to poke him again, this time on the back of the head. As soon as he touched him, though, he moved his hands to grip his hair, almost as though he were trying to yank it out.

 

James, never having been all that great at dealing with people’s issues, looked to Remus for help. Remus, being the honorary comforter of the group, came around the table and took James’ seat, gesturing for him to go and sit next to Peter. After a few seconds, he leant forward, face close to Sirius’ left ear. “Padfoot,” he started. When Sirius made no move to answer, he continued. “I know you can hear me.” Still nothing. “Do you want to, um, tell me what’s going on?” At this, Remus saw Sirius grip his hair even tighter and begin to pull at it. He put his hand on his friend’s back and continued speaking so only he could hear. “You know you can talk to me.”

 

Finally, Sirius lifted his head off of the table, turning so that he was facing his friend. Remus’ eyes widened slightly as he took in the features of the boy who’d been his best friend for the past six years. He always used to be slightly envious of Sirius’ looks, but now he couldn’t believe what he saw. His skin was much paler and his eyes were dull and dead looking. His cheekbones stood out more than usual and Remus was pretty sure he could see his friend’s collarbones protruding from under his thin shirt. “Not here,” he said, voice hoarse and tired.

 

Remus stood from the table, pulling Sirius with him. He was shaky as he stood and Remus gripped his arm to steady him, doing his best to ignore how thin his friend’s arm was. Once Sirius was steady, Remus put his arm around his shoulders. “Come on, we’ll go to the common room and talk. Okay?” Sirius nodded, leaning his head on Remus’ shoulder. Before they left the Great Hall, Remus turned to James and Peter. “I’m gonna take him up to the common room so he can rest. We’ll see you guys later.”

 

By the time they made it to the Gryffindor common room, Remus was pretty sure that Sirius was ready to fall asleep standing up. He brought him up the stairs and into their dorm, helping him to his bed. “Moony,” his friend groaned, pulling his knees to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, Pads. We’ll talk later.” Remus went to leave, but Sirius gripped his arm. He looked like he wanted to say something, but no words were coming out. Remus raised his eyebrows, a silent question.

 

Sirius shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

 

“Pads, you can tell me.”

 

Sirius bit his lip nervously. “Can you…um…can you stay? At least for a little bit?”

 

Remus’ eyes softened. “Of course.”

 

Sirius fell into a restless sleep shortly after. Remus sat on his bed reading a book, glancing at his friend every so often. He needed to do something. He couldn’t stand to see Sirius like that. He just wished he knew what was wrong. After about an hour, he closed his book and made his way over to Sirius’ bed. Seeing that he was still asleep, Remus pulled the curtains around his four poster bed closed and left the dorm, going back down to the common room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Georgia was pretty sure that she officially hated Lily Evans. Apparently she had collapsed on the bathroom floor this morning while attempting to heal her cuts and the nosy redhead had found her and promptly got McGonagall. _I guess that’s what I get for not making sure that everyone had left for breakfast before I started,_ she told herself. _If you weren’t so stupid you wouldn’t be in this mess, now would you?_ She couldn’t help but agree with herself. If she had been better at keeping this a secret, she most likely wouldn’t be spending her Saturday sitting in the headmaster’s office. To be honest, Georgia wasn’t quite sure why she was sitting in Professor Dumbledore’s office, especially since said man was not currently in his office. It was just her and Professor McGonagall there, waiting for the headmaster to show up. Georgia wanted to ask why she was brought here instead of just being allowed to go back to her dorm. She always was allowed to go to her dorm whenever this happened. Then again, she usually just makes up some lie for Madam Pomfrey and the woman lets her go. She couldn’t pull that with the headmaster, though.

 

After waiting for almost an hour, Professor Dumbledore finally entered his office. He took a seat and stared at the two women over his half-moon spectacles, seemingly waiting for one of them to begin talking. Professor McGonagall quickly took it upon herself to inform the headmaster of the current situation. “Albus, we seem to be having an issue with Miss Stetson.”

 

“And what issue would that be?”

 

“Miss Evans found her unconscious in the bathroom this morning with half-healed cuts all over her arms. When I talked to Poppy, she said that Miss Stetson comes in whenever her healing fails.” At this point, Dumbledore turned his gaze to the young woman sitting across from him.

 

“Is this true, Miss Stetson?” She gave a small nod, not trusting herself to speak. “How long have you been having trouble with your powers?”

 

“Since last year,” she said, sounding ashamed. Professor McGonagall looked like she was about to cut in, but the headmaster quickly stopped her, gesturing for Georgia to continue talking. “It doesn’t happen all the time. Sometimes I’ll be fine for weeks and suddenly I can’t do anything. Like my powers just decide that they don’t want to work.” She looked up, making sure they were both still listening. When she saw that they were, she continued. “I thought that maybe…if I practiced using them more…I wouldn’t have as many problems.”

 

Albus couldn’t help but feel sorry for the girl. “Miss Stetson, how much do you actually know about your powers?”

 

“A little bit. I know that I can heal both myself and others. It doesn’t work if they’re already dead though.”

 

“Yes, both of those are true. You also must know that consistent use of your powers can put a significant strain on them.”

 

At this, Professor McGonagall stepped in. “Miss Stetson, how would you say your sleeping and eating are going?” Georgia looked slightly taken aback. Why were he professors asking about this? They are supposed to care about teaching and homework, not about their students’ personal lives. She opened her mouth the say some poorly thought out lie when McGonagall continued: “The truth, Miss Stetson.”

 

Georgia sighed, but figured it was best not to lie to the two professors. “Not too well honestly. I can’t ever sleep at night and sometimes, when I’m in the Great Hall, just looking at the food makes me want to vomit. Like my stomach is constantly in knots whenever I’m in there, so sometimes I just don’t eat.” As soon as she shut her mouth, she realized the way that could have come across. She quickly started again before either teacher could make a wrong assumption: “Not on purpose, though. I don’t force myself to stay awake. I have nightmares…all the time…they keep me awake for nights on end. And I don’t starve myself, I swear.” She was rambling. She knew she was. But she didn’t want the professors getting the wrong idea and thinking she was some angsty teenage girl who purposely didn’t eat.

 

“Miss Stetson, calm down. Minerva and I didn’t think that you were starving yourself,” Dumbledore stated calmly. Georgia would never understand how the man managed to always remain calm and collected. “I would like to talk about these nightmares, though, if you don’t mind.”

 

Georgia _did_ mind actually. After the incident where she basically word vomited her entire story on Sirius, she wasn’t so keen on telling it again. She felt that it would be rude to not tell the headmaster. _You can trust him,_ she told herself. _He’s not going to do anything._ She repeated these thoughts in her head as she gave a small nod, muttering an “of course” that she was sure he almost didn’t hear. He gave her an encouraging smile and she took a deep breath, telling the story for the second time in almost three days. “Ever since I got my powers, I’ve dreamt of the day I got them. Every single night, without fail, I would go through what happened and relive every detail. It’s all so vivid that I almost forget that it’s just a dream. For the past few months, it’s been so bad that I can barely force myself to sleep more than three to four hours a night at most. When I’m home, I usually just wander around the house trying to distract myself.” Georgia forced herself to stop, feeling something wet land on her hand. She gazed at it and saw that it was water, just now noticing that she had started to cry. She wiped her eyes quickly and accepted the tissue Professor McGonagall handed her.

 

“Miss Stetson, isn’t there someone who you could go to instead of being by yourself each night?” Georgia looked up at her head of house and sniffled, shaking her head.

 

“I used to go into my brother’s room and stay with him, but I feel like he still blames me for what happened to his best friend. I feel like he hates me because I couldn’t bring him back.” Dumbledore conjured a box of tissues and went to give her one, before apparently reconsidering and giving her the whole box.

 

“Miss Stetson, I’m sure your brother doesn’t hate you. He knows that what happened wasn’t your fault.” Georgia didn’t reply to the headmaster’s words.

 

“Does this kind of thing happen while you’re at school?” Professor McGonagall asked her gently.

 

Georgia gave a small nod. “I usually just go down to the common room to be by myself for a little bit, but since the beginning of this year Sirius and I have been sitting down there and talking.”

 

McGonagall raised her eyebrows at that. “Mr. Black is down there with you?” Georgia nodded. “Did he say why?”

 

“He said that he has trouble sleeping, but that’s about it.” Both Professors glanced at each other and gave a thoughtful nod, which was slightly unnerving to Georgia. She felt like they both knew something that they weren’t telling her. “Not to be rude, sir, but what does this have to do with the current situation?”

 

The headmaster turned his gaze to her. “Well, Miss Stetson, I believe that your powers are giving you trouble because both your mind and body are overwhelmed. I’ll have Madam Pomfrey brew you a Dreamless Sleep potion **(okay so my brain is fried and I couldn’t for the life of me remember if it was a draught or potion so please forgive me if I’m wrong)** to help with the nightmares and it this keeps happening I want you to come see Minerva or myself, alright?” Georgia nodded quickly and stood to leave the office with her Transfiguration professor.

 

“Thank you sir,” she yelled before the door to his office closed.

 

Her head of house then turned to look at her. “You may return to your common room, Miss Stetson, and feel free to come see me if need be.”

 

“I will. Thank you Professor.” McGonagall gave a nod in response. Georgia then turned and walked back to the Gryffindor common room, exhausted from the morning’s events.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

By the time Georgia made it back to the common room, she wanted nothing more than to lock herself in the dorms and never leave. She was just about to start up the stairs to the dormitories when she heard someone call her name. She sighed and turned around, ready to tell off whoever was deciding to bother her. She decided against that, though, when she saw that Remus was the one who had called her. “Hi Remus,” she said, smiling gently at him. “What’s up?”

 

“Well…I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.” She saw how worried he looked and she blanched. She nodded for him to continue, since she was pretty sure she couldn’t speak. _Oh god,_ she thought. _What if he saw Lily and she told him about what happened? He’s probably going to say how he doesn’t want a freak for a friend._ “Have you noticed anything weird about Sirius?”

 

“What?”

 

“Have you noticed anything weird about Sirius.”

 

“I heard what you said,” she snapped. “What I mean is…what makes you think that I would have noticed if anything was wrong with him?”

 

Remus grinned slyly at her. “Oh come on, Georgia. Don’t think I don’t see the way you look at him.”

 

“What…what are you talking about?” she stammered.

 

“You like him.” Her eyes widened at his comment. “I also know that you pay more attention to him than you realize.”

 

“I don’t know. We’ve been talking at night.” He raised his eyebrow and she continued. “I can never sleep, so I usually come down here. He doesn’t sleep either, so we talk. She seems tired a lot. And scared.”

 

Remus nodded. “I’m really worried about him. He’s so thin. Like, he’s always been thin. But, I’ve never seen him like this before.”

 

“You think something happened?”

 

“I’m really scared that something happened to him over the summer. And now he’s a skeleton, but he won’t say that anything is wrong!”

 

“You want to know what I think?” Remus nodded eagerly in response. “I think you need to just make him know that you’re there for him. That you care about him and don’t like seeing him like this. Show him that he can come to you about these things.” With that, Georgia went to go to her dormitory.

 

Remus was left thinking about what she said, and as he watched her leave, he vowed to do what she said. He vowed to help his best friend, no matter what it took to do it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking of possibly putting this story on hold for a little while. I feel like it's too all over the place and not going in the direction I originally wanted. Plus, things are kind of rough right now for me and writing about these sorts of things is difficult. I promise this story will get done eventually though.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> So, this is the first story that I've ever posted anywhere before so I hope people actually read it. For anyone who does, I hope all you beautiful humans enjoy it :)


End file.
